


I Want To Love You

by Dr_Psyche



Series: I Won't Stop [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, F/F, Human Gems (Steven Universe), Murder, Sexual Assault, Stalking, triggering content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 00:46:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12545040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Psyche/pseuds/Dr_Psyche
Summary: Peridot, Amethyst, and Lapis go camping for the weekend. Unfortunately Peridot has a stalker who's decided to follow them. Alone and away from civilization, she makes her move.





	1. Sulking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadowpiratemonkey7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowpiratemonkey7/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Desperate and by herself, she waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to write something disturbing for Halloween. 
> 
> Inspired by Drawbauchery's [Amethyst 8xA OC](http://drawbauchery.tumblr.com/post/162529813292/fair-warning-its-not-nsfw-but-there-is-a-creepy) and her [Human Design](http://drawbauchery.tumblr.com/post/166133885512/a-deceiving-psycho-bitch-in-the-hecking-adorable)

Alexa sat again in her room; it was a Friday night and there was nothing to do. Tomorrow would yield nothing, no friends to spend time with, no obligations that needed doing, not even any projects for class. Aqua and Carnelian were avoiding her; they hadn’t returned her calls or her texts and they always seemed to have plans when she wanted to hang out. 

 

“I don’t need them,” she muttered to herself.

 

She grabbed a pillow from her bed and held it to her chest, resting her chin on it to think.

 

“Screw them, if they don’t want to be around me, fine! I still have you,” she said, turning to Peridot.

 

It wasn’t actually Peridot, just a picture of her taped to the edge of her bedroom mirror… several pictures. All of them taken from around the campus at different times. One from her tech class, one from her leaving the dorms, one from the campus bar, etc. She was most proud of the one she’d managed to take of when Peridot had carelessly changed in front of her window. She hadn’t seen much, only her in a bra, but that was enough. It was her favorite picture, occupying a place on the mirror at eye-level. She’d kiss it sometimes for good luck, not that she actually had any. It was a good pretend Peridot to talk to; ask her about her day, show off her tattoo, rant about how the real one wouldn’t talk to her, all good wholesome stuff.

Peri always seemed to want to get away from her, and it was getting really frustrating. She’d surrounded herself with some of the most frustrating characters that Alexa had ever known. She bit her lip, silently fuming at the memory of Peridot’s group. She turned back to the pictures; Peridot in her green alien bra attempting to put a shirt on. Those two… they got to see her like that all the time, and more, it made her sick. A jealous rage burned in her stomach, worse than any ulcer.

She got up from her bed and opened her closet, grabbing one of the candles she’d made. She’d gotten better at candle making; it was a talent she was surprised to have picked up. The wax had set finely and she lit it. Alexa smiled, the vanilla scent brushing away her stress if only slightly.

She needed to think. Her mind drifted back to Peridot’s schedule; she’d coordinated it with those of her girlfriends’ and the Lawyer Couple’s. Hypothetically there was a lot of times she could catch her alone, but Peridot had gotten wise to that and travelled in a group more and more. Crafty little bitch.

She went to her bedside drawer and pulled out a bunch of papers. They were various notes she’d taken: where Peridot liked to eat, what time she usually left her dorm, her sleep schedule, different events she’d planned (one’s that Alexa managed to either overhear or could guess she’d attend), and a list of her acquaintances and how they felt about Alexa herself. She sighed and kept shifting through them. Peridot and her girlfriends were planning a trip up state to the lake. She’d written that down a month ago after she’d heard Amethyst talking to Jasper about it in passing. The State Park had a lot of wooded areas, easy to hide in. She’d have to find a way to navigate around Lapis and Amethyst but they would be up there alone.

Alexa sighed. Maybe a month ago she would have been giddy at an opportunity like this one dropping itself in her lap. Now all she could think of was all the ways it could go wrong. Alexa dug her switchblade out of the drawer and flicked it open. The old girl still worked. She didn’t have all that much faith in the plan but it was always good to have some leverage on hand.


	2. The Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Best laid plans go awry.

Preparations had gone well. Amethyst’s family had allowed her to borrow the van for the weekend and Peridot packed the beach towels, umbrellas, portable chargers, and spare clothes into it. They’d all made food: Peridot made sandwiches, Amethyst brought some Pringles tubes, and Lapis stocked fruit. They’d packed all of that into the cooler and left; Peridot saying goodbye to Bell and Amethyst to Jasper. It looked to be a good weekend.

 

“I’m just saying, live a little, c’mon!” Lapis said.

The three were almost there, the forest had gotten dense and they’d managed to stop for a snack at a diner a few miles back.

“Stuff in books and movies lie to you,” Amethyst said, eyes on the road, “I don’t want a pinecone digging into my ass and sand where it should be, ‘cause that’s what happens in real life.”

“You’re missing the positives,” Lapis continued, “The fresh air, the exposure; it’s as nature intended.”

“Genital rash outweighs any good that can come of this,” Peridot said, “And I do not think exposure is a positive.”

“You’re both prudes,” Lapis said with a sigh.

“Enjoy your romp where animals pee,” Peridot said.

Amethyst snickered at that. Finally, they turned off the road onto a dirt path which lead to a clearing. While not the most popular spot, it was fairly well worn, other cars having driven up there before. Amethyst parked and they all got out and began to unload. 

“Lake’s through the trees,” Amethyst said, “It’s great, you guys’ll love it.”

“The ocean’s nice and all, but it’s so good to see a fresh water lake,” Lapis said.

“Next time we go out, there’s a small little lodge on the other side; we could rent a boat there. They got one of those two-person swan things; we could get one and have Peri ride on the roof.”

“Just rent a rowboat,” Peridot said, annoyed.

They finished unloading the van and laid out all the supplies on the ground.

“Alright, we’ll go check and make sure it’s good; sometimes after heavy rains the runoff turns the lake brown no sense swimming in the debris,” Amethyst said, “If it’s cool, we’ll come back and bring everything over. Just watch the stuff while we’re gone.”

“Kay,” Peridot said, unfolding a chair and sitting down.

She took out her phone as Lapis and Amethyst headed out, and pulled up the internet. There was a weak connection all the way out here which was almost worse than no connection with how much it all lagged. She texted Bell to tell her they’d arrived safely and checked her twitter. Halloween was trending and Jasper had posted a picture of a sweater she’d knitted. Peridot smiled; it was hard to get the sleeves to be symmetrical, but Jasper had managed and-

Peridot heard a loud crack and looked up from her phone. She turned towards the trees in the direction they’d driven in from, scanning them. There was nothing; just the sound of unseen birds chirping.

“Getting jumpy, are we?” Peridot muttered to herself, “Probably some deer stepping on a twig.”

She turned back to her phone. Nothing much was going on Facebook, just a barrage of ads that it was trying to calculate based on her search history. Chemicals, Gundams, and lingerie (Peridot was almost sure Lapis had borrowed her phone just to look those sites up so they’d show up in her ad recommendations). Steven had just checked in at the Big Donut; the Wi-Fi access granted when you made a post. Greg shared a memory of him and Mr. Smiley having a cook-off from last year.

Peridot’s attention was drawn when she heard Lapis call her name. She looked up to see the two walking back telling her that the lake was fine, nobody was around, and they’d found a good spot. They began taking trips from the van to that spot; gradually moving all their stuff. It was nice there, the lake was especially blue and a cool breeze blew across it. The trees shook slightly from the winds, and as far as the eye could see, there were no people. Lapis set up the chairs on the sand and Amethyst positioned the umbrellas to block the sun. Peridot lay out the beach mat and used the cooler to weigh it down. It would be a good weekend.

 

Earlier in the week Alexa had driven out to the lake. She’d inquired about all the major spots for visitors and scoped each one out. She’d found the best spots to hide her car from anybody curious and mapped out the places where she could hide and still have a good view of the lakeside. When the weekend finally came she trailed their van, keeping a safe undetectable distance behind them. Upon finding the area they’d turned in to, Alexa parked her car in the corresponding hiding spot and set off to find them. It was easy to make a bee-line from the car’s hiding place to the clearing where visitors parked; her only issue was the dried out crunchy leaves and twigs.

“Oh, what will I do,” Alexa thought to herself, noting that the breeze in the trees hid the underfoot crunching, “I planned out getting here, but now I’ve got nothing. Scope the place out, check; hide the car, check; and then what?”

Finally, she saw the clearing. Cautiously she approached, watching as Amethyst and Lapis left Peridot all by herself. They disappeared from sight and Peridot stayed by their stuff, distracted by her phone; wholly unaware that she was right there.

“Control yourself Alexa,” she told herself, “Those two haven’t gone very far and can easily make it back here should she say anything. Even getting to her would be an issue, the clearing’s too open; I could be seen easily.”

So wrapped up in her thoughts was she that she absent-mindedly stepped on a dry stick, noisily snapping it in two right as the wind died down. The loud reverberating crack sounded out into the clearing causing Peridot to look up. 

Alexa froze where she was, partially hidden behind a tree. She wasn’t close to the edge of the clearing for precisely this reason. She knew Peridot didn’t see her, otherwise she’d be freaking out right now. Always jumping at nothing that Peri.

Peridot eventually went back to looking at her phone, Alexa’s blunder ignored. She relaxed a bit and leaned against the tree. She couldn’t do anything right now, sadly, except watch. Peridot looked so cute there, her mouth twitching slightly in a smile at whatever she was looking at. Alexa sighed; maybe this was her fate, to sit at the edge of it all and to love her but be just out of her reach. It sounded poetic but in reality, it was frustrating. She couldn’t bear the thought that she’d chosen those two over her. Peri was open to multiple partners, but she’d never be open to her, never consider her. Alexa clenched her jaw, anger darkening her features. She could almost hate the small girl as much as she loved her sometimes.


	3. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swimming

Lapis had stripped into her swimsuit and was swimming in the water. 

“It’s great you guys,” she said, “You move a bit slower in fresh water, but it stings your eyes less.”

“This place’d be great for a drone,” Peridot said to Amethyst as the two double-checked their belongings, “Lots of room for it to fly around, plenty of nice scenery to take pictures of.”

“Yeah,” Amethyst said, “It’d be great if we had some of those RC boats too.”

“How much is it to stay at the lodge?” Peridot asked, as the pair changed into their swimsuits.

“Not a bargain, but not an arm and a leg,” Amethyst said, “It’s not some big fancy hotel but I wouldn’t make a habit out of staying in it.”

“It’s neat to stay in hotels,” Peridot said, “They’ve usually got that great home away from home kind of cozy feel to them.”

“Yeah, we could rent a canoe out,” Amethyst said.

“Canoe paddling’s boring and hard,” Lapis called from the lake, “Rent a speedboat.”

Amethyst waded into the lake and dove under, all the while Peridot slowly entered.

“You gotta jump in,” Lapis called.

“It’s cold!” Peridot said.

“Yeah, you’ll get used to it quicker if you jump in,” Lapis said.

“I’m fine gradually goin-” Peridot started to say before Amethyst emerged next to her and pulled her in.

The shock really snapped her up and she began yelling at Amethyst while the other two laughed.

“I can’t believe you just went with the one-piece,” Lapis said, faux-sadness in her voice.

“I’ll be in the ground before you catch me wearing _that_ again,” Peridot said, flashing back to the time they’d all tried on some risqué swimsuits.

Amethyst and Lapis had gone and brought theirs to the trip, whilst Peridot had brought her older green one-piece. She’d probably worn the swim-trunks too if there’d been other people here.

“Come on Peri, nobody’s around,” Amethyst teased.

“Not a chance,” Peridot said, glaring.

“Pleeeeeaaaase?” Lapis begged.

“No!”

Lapis made a half-joking groan and fell backwards into a backstroke. Amethyst and Peridot swam after her and tried to keep up; it was no secret that she was the best swimmer of the trio. 

 

From her vantage point in the bushes, Alexa watched it all, nearly holding her breath at it. It was like they were on display for her and she couldn’t look away. Even if she hated them, Lapis and Amethyst did look quite attractive. She chewed her lip in frustration; it’s a strange feeling to simultaneously lust after and hate someone. Even in the one piece, Alexa couldn’t help but to marvel at Peri’s legs, her upper thighs exposed for all to see; for her to see. It was beautiful.

They were splashing each other now, and laughing. Alexa bit her thumb; it was so cute watching her like that. She thought of what it could be like with her out there instead of those two. Peri and her sharing a quiet secluded vacation away from everyone, away from all the eyes that could see them. Peri looked so happy out there.

“She _should_ be happy with me,” Alexa thought, bitterly.

Her thoughts went down that path. Seeing the three there, having so much fun and Alexa reminding herself of all the trouble they’d put her through, was boring into her skull fiercely. They were just right there, just in front of her, but the moment she’d step out into the open, they’d run; probably all the way to the police. She couldn’t pass this one off as another coincidental meeting. She needed Peri to see; see that she was wrong, to see that she had misjudged Alexa. But she wouldn’t, she’d approach her with that same bias that all of those bastards liked to feed. 

“I’ll show her,” Alexa thought to herself.

 

When dusk began to set in, the three dried themselves off and began to build a fire on the sand. Amethyst and Peridot grabbed some dry sticks whilst Lapis dug a small firepit and lined it with rocks. They lit the pile of sticks and sat around it, warming themselves. Amethyst produced some metal skewers and began roasting Marshmallows; Peridot distributing the sandwiches and chips.

“Man, this is great,” Amethyst said, watching the sun go down.

“Good choice of place Amethyst,” Lapis said.

“Yeah,” Peridot said.

“Rose showed me this place,” Amethyst said, “She and Greg would bring us here when Steven was growing up. Fun times.”

Peridot took a bit of her sandwich as Lapis asked,

“You guys stayed at the lodge?”

“Yeah, Mr. Smiley would work there on and off. They had some fun activities out there. You could do one of those spinning log challenges where you’d have to keep balance. Pearl’d always win those.”

“Yeah, we have to check out the lodge next time we come here,” Peridot said.

Their conversation continued into the night. Amethyst discussed the distinction between Butter and Margarine (never fry anything with Margarine, it burns easily), which lead into her talk on artificial sweetener vs. sugar. Peridot pointed out all the constellations visible from their vantage point where the stars were all free from all the light pollution. Lapis told an elaborate story of a diner she and Jasper had visited that caught fire because of this one pale mute kid. 

“So…” Lapis asked, taking on a sly smile, “You guys wanna play truth or dare?”

“No,” Peridot said, turning on their lanterns, “You’re either going to ask us invasive questions, or take advantage of us being alone to do something embarrassing, likely with us being naked.”

“Yeah Laz, you can be kind of predictable,” Amethyst said.

Lapis rolled her eyes and asked, “You got a better idea?”

Peridot retrieved her 3DS from her bag and said, “Pokemon.”

“Sounds great,” Amethyst said reaching into her bag.

“Eh, I’m up for it,” Lapis conceded.

The three played Pokemon well as night crept on, enjoying their Vs. battles. Peridot’s attention to IV’s and battle stats easily allowed her to dominate Amethyst’s team of cat Pokemon and Lapis’s team of Pokemon that she thought looked cool. Nobody regretted skipping out on Truth or Dare… well except for Alexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swimsuits in story (barring Peridots) are a reference to [this comic](http://drawbauchery.tumblr.com/post/164277287657/quietly-eats-peaches-in-the-corner)
> 
> Also, those are the Human AU designs I'm using in this fic.


	4. Alone with Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where all the warnings come into play.

The three changed into their PJs and fell stayed under the stars, their fire only a few smoldering embers. Lapis and Amethyst drifted off to sleep, but Peridot lay awake; her brain unable to turn itself off. She shifted position a few times, trying to find the most comfortable way of sleeping in the sleeping bag. Nothing worked. 

“Goddamnit,” she muttered to herself, “Go to sleep you clod.”

She wasn’t about to go back on her phone; experience had taught her, quite harshly, that doing so only kept one awake that much longer. She knew she left her Melatonin back at the dorms, so arrogantly had she believed that she didn’t need it. As Peridot’s mind searched for a solution to her problem it occurred to her that this obsessive thinking was probably prolonging her awakened state.

“It’ll be three in the morning before I finally get some sleep,” she thought to herself

Her mind flashing back to a number of occasion’s that she’d been wide awake at three, four, and even five in the morning, and that was with the Melatonin. In her state, she suddenly remembered that Amethyst had a medicine bag in the car; Neosporin, Tylenol, bandages, rubbing alcohol, and, of course, Benadryl. Benadryl was a perfect remedy for her sleep problem. Peridot got up from her sleeping bag, grabbed a flashlight and her slippers and headed to the car.

“Why in the hell didn’t we unpack the medical kit!” Peridot said to herself, “I mean, what if something happened like if we cut our foot on some coral! Wait, this is a lake, there is no coral. Or a Jellyfish… oh wait, there’s none in this lake. Well… maybe a rock could have cut us, or maybe Amethyst could have stepped on an ember. Who knows! It was so stupid to leave it out!”  
Peridot could find her way to the car easily, the path was trodden and worn and it wasn’t too far off from where they’d made camp. An earlier idea had been to just sleep inside it; but they’d miss the outdoors experience, and the van could be kind of cramped.

Peridot stopped when she heard the bushes next to her rustling. She turned and shined the light over there, seeing nothing.

“Probably a raccoon or something,” she said, trying to stop her still very active brain from conjuring up some unknown horrors, “But… raccoons can be rabid. Fuck I should have woken up Amethyst.”

Peridot considered going back, but then decided against it. They’d taunt her for being too scared to just walk a couple of yards to the car. No sense being an overly paranoid coward. 

Peridot shook her head and continued on. It was just in her head after all; the fear and darkness giving rise to a dozen different scenarios each more unpleasant than the last. 

“It’s all in your head,” she thought to herself, right as a form grabbed her from behind and a hand clamped over her mouth.

Peridot was startled, and dropped her flashlight. The figure stomped on the bulb; shattering it and plunging the area into darkness. Peridot felt an arm around her waist as she was dragged back, a voice in her ear confirming her worst-case scenario before her eyes could adjusted to the dark.

“Breath through your nose,” Alexa said, “Come on, you don’t want to pass out.”

Peridot’s eyes went wide, and the breath through her nostrils came out in short desperate bursts. She was hyperventilating, but her covered mouth wasn’t letting her get in enough air. Peridot was pushed up against a tree, the hand still firmly clamped around her mouth. In the darkness, she could see Alexa staring right at her; grinning.

“Goddamn, I was waiting all day to have you alone,” She said, “Jeez Peri, you stick to them like glue.”

Peridot struggled with the arm around her mouth; Alexa was pretty strong and Peridot had always feared a physical confrontation like this. She pressed her other arm on Peridot’s chest, using her weight to keep her pinned.

“Day in, day out; you always try to get away from me. It’s tiring Peri. You’re little hard to get games really tick me off.”

Alexa was growling now, anger in her eyes. The weight on Peridot’s chest was cutting off her oxygen.

“Nobody’s here now huh? No law students, no Garnet, none of your girlfriends, nobody. They’re right over there and they can’t do anything for you. It’s just you and me.”

Peridot tried to make some muffled sounds against Alexa’s hand. Cries for help, cries for her to stop, and just crying. Peridot could feel herself starting to cry as Alexa held her there. She’d had nightmares about a moment like this, easily from as far back to when she told Alexa to go away. She’d never gone away fully; always there, always following her, always in Peridot’s head. Now the nightmare had come true, Alexa had her all alone; away from anyone who could help. Her fingers would leave bruises in the morning.

“We are going to get along _now_ ,” Alexa said, “None of your bullshit, none of your little posturing. You’re going to stop being such a belligerent little bitch right fucking now, do you understand?”

Peridot’s response was more desperate muffled noises. It most certainly wasn’t an affirmative, but to Alexa, it was pretty cute. She removed her arm from Peridot’s chest and reached down into her pocket. Peridot could breathe a little easier as she pulled out the switch blade. She clicked it open right in front of her face, making sure Peridot could see the thing clearly. Peridot’s eyes went even wider at the weapon.

Alexa stabbed it into the tree, right next to Peridot’s head.

“I’m not screwing around anymore,” Alexa said, “I’m going to take my hand off ok? But, you need to promise that you won’t make any noise, ok?”

Peridot was too scared to move.

“You can just nod your head.”

Peridot did so, gradually, uncertainly.

“I don’t want you lying to me, got that? You’ve seen the knife. You know what that means, what I can do… to you and to them.”

She jerked her head in the direction of Lapis and Amethyst’s campsite. Peridot nodded her head again, more vigorously.

“Good girl.”

Alexa slowly removed her hand from Peridot’s mouth. Peridot stared at her, still in terror.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Peridot didn’t respond to that, not even with a nod. She knew that if she found her own voice she’d be too loud, she’d scream and then it’d all be over.

“Alright then,” Alexa said, pulling her knife from the tree and assuming a more relaxed position, letting out a breath of air she didn’t know she was holding, “Man, you cannot believe what a day it’s been. Stuck out here in the woods, no bug spray, it’s been a challenge.”

Peridot just leaned against the tree, too scared to respond.

“Watching you three splash around in the lake; that was really frustrating y’know? But wow, I got to say, you’ve got some nice legs Peri.”

She didn’t know how it was possible, but Peridot felt even more afraid now. The nightmares she had never ended well; Amethyst, Lapis, or even Bell could never get there in time. It was always just Alexa, and her; and Alexa always got her way.

“Come on Peri, you don’t have to be so scared,” Alexa said, leaning forward, her bangs obscuring her eyes so all Peridot could see was her lecherous smile, “This’ll be fun.”

“A-A-Alexa,” Peridot said, trying to find her voice and keep it soft,

Alexa brought the knife up to Peridot’s chest, tracing the blade up her pajama top. 

“Shh,” Alexa said, cutting off the first button right neat Peridot’s neck with a flick of the wrist, “Let me take the lead.”

She moved the knife down to the next button, cutting that one off too, and then to the next, and then to the next. The top began to part, showing more and more skin.

“You sleep with your bra on?” Alexa said, surprised to see another one of Peridot’s alien printed undergarment peaking out from her ruined pajamas.

She lowered her knife hand and used her other to push the cloth aside to get a better look at the bra.

Alexa chuckled and said, “I can’t believe you-”

Alexa’s comment was cut short when Peridot slammed her forehead right into Alexa’s nose with the force of a desperate and cornered animal. As Alexa stumbled back, the blow to her nose disorientating her, Peridot followed up with a strong kick the shin and a scream. 

“Lapis! Amethyst! Help!” she called, turning to run.

The two blows hadn’t knocked Alexa off balance and she lunged at Peridot.

“You stupid little bitch,” she spat, blood running down from her nose.

She grabbed at Peridot, managing to catch her by the back of her shirt collar. Peridot continued forward, the rest of her buttons tearing and the shirt coming off. Alexa stumbled back, her purchase on Peridot lost.

“Amethyst! Lapis! She’s after me! Help!” Peridot screamed, her throat going hoarse already.

“Shut up!” Alexa barked, still in pursuit.

She grabbed at Peridot again, only really taking hold of her arm, and yanked her around to face her. She looked down at Peridot, the smaller girl’s eyes wide and streaming with tears. Peridot continued to struggle, grabbing at the arm gripping her with her free hand.

Alexa moved to stop her, cutting Peridot’s arm accidently. The action made her freeze for a moment, letting Peridot go. She… she hadn’t meant to do that. The knife was only to threaten her, but to actually have cut her. Peridot stumbled and fell, not having expected Alexa to release her so suddenly. 

Peridot clutched at her bleeding arm, more surprised at the site of blood than at the pain; likely because of the adrenaline high. She snapped out of the distraction before Alexa did, and got back to her feet.

She screamed again, and Alexa charged at her.

“I said, shut up!” Alexa yelled, panicking now, subtlety long since abandoned.

She grabbed at Peri’s good arm again, but she twisted free, the move sending Alexa stumbling forward. She could hear other voices now, movement from the camp. The other two were awake. She tried to steady herself from the stumble, but instead caught her foot on a branch, sending her forward and onto the ground.

The knife punctured her chest when she landed. She hadn’t been holding it properly, and when she came down, she came down upon it. It went between her ribs and pierced her lung. Alexa was stunned, the shock of what she’d done coming to her a lot more gradually than she would have liked. 

Peridot stopped and stared as Alexa tried to get up on her knees. She saw the knife sticking out of her chest, the clothing around it soaking with blood. She saw Alexa’s face, the surprise in her eyes turning into fear and horror at what she’d just done.

They both held their gazes, neither moving as the calls and beams of flashlight got closer. Alexa opened her mouth to say something, but only a cough came out; blood splattering from her mouth. Her punctured lung had collapsed and speech was impossible now. Alexa’s last breaths were sputters as more and more blood came forth. 

_I don’t want to die. Oh God, I don’t want to die!_

Lapis and Amethyst arrived at the scene. They saw Peridot, in her bra and pajama bottoms, holding her bleeding arm, and Alexa on her hands and knees, a knife protruding from her chest. Alexa let out another cough of blood, and collapsed onto her side. The last few gasps of life were a choked gurgle. The two immediately ran to Peridot.

“Peri, are you ok?” Amethyst asked.

“What happened?” Lapis asked.

“Oh my god your arm!”

“Oh, Jesus Peridot, what did she do?”

Peridot could only cry. She fell on her knees, Lapis and Amethyst trying to support her.

“I’ll go grab the medkit,” Amethyst said.

“Call 911,” Lapis said.

When Amethyst ran off, Lapis held Peridot hugging her even as the blood got on her Pajamas. 

“Shh, Peri, it’s alright,” Lapis said.

She’d said something to a similar effect when Peridot had had a nightmare about Alexa previously. This was more than a nightmare; they’d all been afraid this would happen someday.

“I killed her!” Peridot said between tearful gasps, “She was chasing me and-and she slashed me, and then I knocked her down and-and-and-”

“Shhhh, shhh,” Lapis said, letting Peridot cry into her shoulder, stroking her hair, “It’s ok.”

“I-I-I did it, Lapis. Oh my god, I’m a murderer!” Peridot wailed.

Amethyst came sprinting back, med-kit in one hand, and still talking on the phone.

“Yes, third right from the gas-station. Site D, we’ve got a van right there. Please hurry.”

She rushed to Peridot’s side, quickly opening the kit up and cleaning the wound. 

“N-no,” Peridot said, “H-her, she needs help.”

Amethyst and Lapis looked over at Alexa’s still form.

“Peri…” Amethyst said.

“She’s bleeding, Amethyst she needs your help more than me,”

“Peri,” Lapis said, “Alexa is…”

“Lapis,” Amethyst said, cutting her off, “You know how to check for a pulse, check her. Don’t do anything to disturb her though. The cops won’t be happy with that.”

Lapis slowly let Peridot go, leaving her to Amethyst who cleaned the wound and started to dress it. She walked over to Alexa, the woman as still as a rock. She just stared up at her with unseeing eyes. Lapis leaned forward, half expecting Alexa to spring and attack her at any moment. She’d never liked her, none of them had. Alexa was a wretched person, so much so that weeks from now, Lapis would look back at this event with uncertainty; had she and Lapis deliberately ignored Alexa for crucial moments just to let her die? No… she was beyond their help.

Still, the sight of Alexa lying dead on the ground was enough to unnerve her greatly. She was dead, Lapis couldn’t feel a pulse on the girl’s neck. It was a terrible fate, drowning in one’s own blood. Lapis couldn’t even say it was fit for Alexa. She got up and turned to Amethyst, shaking her head. Amethyst let out a sigh as she put a wrap around Peridot’s arm. It was just to try and stop the bleeding; the paramedics would dress her properly. 

The police and the ambulance eventually got there. Alexa’s body was examined and Officer Maheswaran allowed Amethyst and Lapis to leave in the ambulance with Peridot. The paramedics thanked Amethyst for seeing to the wound, before removing the wrappings and doing a more thorough cleaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Zircons are a duo of law students at the university they all attend. Blue is kind of like Peridot's mother.
> 
>  
> 
> [Here's a comic of the relationship.](http://drawbauchery.tumblr.com/post/163533490997/i-just-like-the-idea-of-peri-breaking-into-the%0A)
> 
>  
> 
> I imagine Doug as more of a regular police officer in this AU.


	5. Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night ends, but the nightmare does not.

At 6:37 A.M., Alexa was pronounced dead, her body having been taken to the hospital where a physician could make the call. Peridot had her wound stitched shut; Lapis and Amethyst never leaving her side. Bell, the emergency contact, was called and she and Yana quickly drove over. 

“Oh my god, Peridot, are you ok?” Bell asked, rushing into the hospital room.

“I’m-I’m fine now,” Peridot said, smiling weakly.

“Your arm?” Bell said, gingerly brushing a hand over the bandage.

“It’s fine, honestly. They sewed it up and I can’t feel a thing. I’m alright.”

Bell hugged her tightly for a near minute, dozens of “what could have been” scenarios playing out in her mind. Peridot’s statement of her being alright lay in their heads, neither fully believing it. Still, she was out of danger, and Bell was thankful for that at least.

It had been a long night, the longest Peridot could remember. Not even the pain medicine could make her sleep. She was released from the hospital after the police gathered a statement, Bell making sure to help her through it. Criminal charges were unlikely, the police had uncovered all the picture’s Alexa had taken and her room was full of evidence of her obsession. The death was ruled self-defense.

 

A small memorial was erected at the dorms, Holly putting her picture and some flowers on a table for all to see. The circumstances of her death were known amongst the dorm inhabitants, most could only feel uneasy around the small memorial. Peridot kept her head down for the next month, avoiding all the looks of concern and pity the students had. Her pace always quickened when passing Alexa’s memorial. Nobody tried to talk to her, thankfully. Peridot wondered if Garnet or Bell had a hand in that. She found a geode outside her door once, a gift from someone.

Bell was insistent on therapy. As much as she wanted to try and help her, this was a job for professionals and immediately she sought out a psychologist who specialized in helping survivors of sexual violence.

“I can’t force you but…” Bell started to say.

“It’s ok, thank you. I need someone to talk to,” Peridot replied.

She’d talked to a lot of people already. Lapis, Amethyst, Bell, Garnet, even Pearl. It was good to have a network of friends to fall back on; but Peridot knew she needed professional help. The nights following the incident were dreamless, but eventually she saw Alexa again. Sometimes she never got around to calling for help and Alexa continued, other times she could see her lying there, bleeding out. She remembered locking eyes with her and seeing the exact moment where her life just slipped away. 

She wouldn’t tell the others about the dreams; why pressure them with a burden they couldn’t alleviate? It’s not like they could go inside of her head and make the thoughts stop. Seeing a professional would help her a lot. Maybe the nightmares could finally cease?

After a particularly brutal one, she left her room for the bathroom. She passed by Alexa’s picture again, and instead of looking down she stared right at it. Alexa was happy there, smiling a genuine smile, her arm half raised in a wave. You could see the tattoo on her arm; a purple gem. One might think she was a perfectly happy, funny person. The image was almost mocking her; the devil with an angel’s face hiding their true self from everyone but her. Even though she knew everyone could see Alexa for what she was, the picture still seemed to tease her.

_How could you kill me?_

“Stop it!” Peridot hissed, careful not to make too much noise.

_I loved you!_

“All you did was hurt me! All you ever did was come after me, even when I told you no.”

_I didn’t deserve this._

“Just-just leave me alone,” Peridot stuttered, beginning to cry again.

_I was happy. I had a life, I had friends too!_

“S-stop,” Peridot said weakly, sliding down the wall, crying harder now, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

_You didn’t have to do that to me. It hurt you know? It really really hurt. I couldn’t breathe._

“Leave me be!” Peridot said, through choked sobs, “Even after all of that, you still can’t just leave me alone. You would never go away. Never, no matter how much I begged you to.”

_You could have loved me back._

“No! No! Oh god… I’m so sorry,” Peridot said, her voice never raising above a strangled whisper.

Peridot curled into a ball, banging her head on her knees. She kept trying to tell herself that the guilt was irrational, it was a natural illogical thought process. But that didn’t make the feelings any less real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this was originally the first half of a story that I wanted out by Halloween, but school and costume making have prevented that. I will get the next part done, hopefully in November and put it up.


End file.
